Tips For People Who Live in the Fast Lane

Put your face on in 5 minutes. [here]

Sort out your tresses in a jiffy. [here]

Get day-to-night ready in under 5 minutes. [here]

Just a Note

So just a note to say I'm back on the island and all is well apart from the fact that I seem to have picked up the nasty habit of bursting into tears whilst wailing “I MISS TRIPLE CREAM BRIE AND SALTY CHEDDAR” in heaving sobs.

I’m not sure, but I think this means I need to be sedated.

It also probably means I have become a cheese snob, a fact that you will probably attest to if you follow us on Instagram.

Melbourne was amazing as usual – revisiting my precious haunts, treading precariously on haphazard cobblestones, winding in and out of hidden shops, sitting in the safety of an alleyway with a crusty roast beef baguette, the milky bitter tang of a latte saturating my mouth …

…

…

Excuse me whilst I retreat into a corner and weep to return to Melbourne.

Friday, Friday, Friday

Sass & Bide top, Sportsgirl shorts, Diva necklace, Low Luv bracelet, Peter Sheppard shoes, Mulberry Alexa satchel

I'm headed southwards to Melbourne tomorrow for the next 10 days, and all I can really think of is: SHOP SHOP SHOP SHOPSHOPSHOPSHOSOHSPSHOSPHOSHPSH... 

You should probably expect about zero posts from my corner in this time.

I promise I'll try to tweet.

... Maybe.

Yay or Nay: Alexander Wang Rafael bag

A.W Rafael bag in Red (£261.25 here)

A.W Rafael Hagfish bag in Oxblood (£279.58 here)

Still in lust with this bag, but I can't decide if I should take the plunge or not, even after the hefty 50% discount over on that discounted online mecca of all designer goods, theOutnet.com.

What do you guys think? Yay or nay? Oxblood or Red?

HELP!

Holiday Haul: Singapore Edition

Just got back from a two-day trip to Singapore, and I'm already missing breakfasts at Wild Honey and a couple of faces I've grown severely attached to since my days in Melbourne when the Telstra store on the corner of Bourke and Swanston was still known as Nike. 

I wish I had pictorial evidence of my trip, but I am clearly a bad blogger who was way more interested in stuffing my face and reminiscing about the days of yore like an old woman, than I was about documenting stuff.

So I've decided to regale you with a haul instead. 

... I now realize there is a very real reason as to why people recommend numbering items in photos. 

This may or may not get complicated and vaguely Where's-Wally-esque, so please don't hate me.

• Oxblood bag - YSL Muse 2
• Zara T-bar flats
• Zara long-line sleeveless blazer
• Zara shorts
• miscellaneous skincare products: Lancome UV Expert sunscreen & Avene eye-cream and moisturiser
• (continued below)

L-R: Mango printed blouse, Cotton On grey & white tees, Zara 'Yoko Ono' tee, Rich & Stack 'Take a Swing' necklace in Brown

Topshop collar pins

You guys! Remember the time I was obsessing over Audrina Patridge's sideways initial necklace?

Well, my sister from another mother a.k.a the brains behind up-and-coming online jewelry store Rich & Stack decided to put me out of my misery and added a little something to my Christmas order:

SIDEWAYS INITIAL NECKLACE!

She took one look at that post and messaged me in a Singapore Minute: "OMG CANNOT BELIEVE YOU WANT A SIDEWAYS INITIAL NECKLACE! I BOUGHT A SIDEWAYS INITIAL NECKLACE WHEN I WAS IN KOREA AND IT'S GOT ONE OF YOUR INITIALS ON IT, DO YOU WANT IT?"

And of course, I was hesitant at first 'cos manners are important: "OMG THAT'S SO AWESOME I FREAKING WANT IT!!!"

Then we proceeded to babble incoherently on about mental bluetooth syncing and other such random snippets that usually fill our Whatsapp windows because ... that's normal, right?

But I digress. You guys need to click here ASAP because she has some crazy Christmas deals happening now.

... You're welcome.

SOS @ WEDDING DINNER

C Mintbean <c.mintbean@gmail.com> wrote:

8:23 PM (16 hours ago)

to S


Hello S,

I feel as if we haven't spoken in forever. How are you doing? How is Gossip Girl progressing? On second thought, I take that back, don't tell me what's happening with Gossip Girl :(:(:(

If you were wondering, I am currently in that soul-grinding Hell-hole otherwise known as a Bornean Chinese Wedding dinner. 

Not to go into too many details here, but thus far, dinner has involved the juggling of empty wine bottles (reasonably cool), a re-enactment of that Gangnam Style music video (OH GOD WHY!!), awkward pelvic thrusts from the hired dancers (super questionable) and foxtrot karaoke from the 60's ... ON A LOOP (slay me). 

... I'd love to go on, but as you know, my Blackberry is being an a-hole and refuses to authenticate my damn e-mail address, which means I can't send e-mails via the normal e-mail function. 

As such, loading Gmail on the browser of my dumb 2x1.5" screen means that each individual letter on here is roughly the size of a breadcrumb and I can't really see what I'm typing.

I hope I am making sense, because I feel like all this box wine has gone to my head. I mean, I'm pretty sure it has. Once you start questioning your own sobriety, I'm like 100% sure that means you're definitely NOT sober ... right?

....... I had to find a way to cope somehow.

Drunky-tonks,

C.

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S Mintbean <s.mintbean@gmail.com> wrote:

8:55 PM (16 hours ago)

to C

Ah, Tipsy C, it has been awhile!

I think Tipsy C is one of my favourite C's - along with Enabling C and Flood-S-with-cute-animal-videos C of course.

This wedding sounds superbly entertaining! (Unfortunately, I can't say the same for the current season of Gossip Girl *flings Sage off the Brooklyn bridge*). You seriously go to the best weddings - between Techno Santa Claus, Techno Chef and now gyrating karaoke-ing dance fiends you could probably write a a very detailed manual on what not (unless I am 1. in attendance and 2. I am not related to you by blood) to do at your wedding.

I, on the other hand, have be Click Frenzying - when I say I have been Click Frenzying I actually mean I have clicking the refresh button in a frenzied fashion. Turns out Australia's answer to Cyber Monday was a utter disappointment, much like a missed call from the President (I'd imagine this would be pretty upsetting) :( 

All frenzied-out,

S

PS: Get an iPhone.

PPS: Hows the food?

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C Mintbean <c.mintbean@gmail.com> wrote:

9:57 PM (15 hours ago)

to S

Hello S!!!

Tipsy C was in town like an hour ago. I am considerably drunker now. I would caps everything here as is Drunk C's way, but doing it on a Blackberry is far too time-consuming so you need to imagine all of this is being tapped out like my keypad is stuck on caps lock. 

Are you imagining it?

........................... good.

Oooooo .... you're right I should totally write a manual on what not to do for weddings!!! I mean, I've attended so many by now I'm pretty sure that means I am an expert. At least I think so..,.,.... No, I'm sure. I am definitely an expert.

God. Somebody should pay me to write about all my wedding-attending experiences - that would be like the world's awesomest and most pointless read ever. Then I'd be super famous with my own talk show and everything and people will know me as the Wedding Whisperer and then at the slightest whisper of my name people will go OMG, YOU MEAN THE QUEEN OF WEDDING PLANNING, SHE'S ALL MAGIC LIKE A UNICORN .... typing all that in caps really used up all my energy I really wish I could see what I am typing.

All this damn foxtrot karaoke is getting to me. I hate foxtrot music. 

That's going to be the first chapter in my manual: NO FOXTROT MUSIC!!!!!!! - with this many exclamation marks because it is imperative that people know this.

INSPIRED!!!

- C

PS. Clickfrenzy was a cruel example straight out of Murphy's Law. 

PPS. Food is pretty crap. :( 

Z6FPQJYNFJEZ

Kickin' it casual

Firstly, I would like to bow down to each and every fashion blogger out there, especially those of you who take your own photos for your outfit posts. I truly believe all of you have the grace and balance of ballerinas with incredible core muscles who attend bikram yoga classes on the weekend.

How you manage to take stylish photos stealthily and effortlessly is both baffling to completely unfair to me. You are also most likely incredibly neat and tidy or are very good at hiding it - this in itself deserves a medal.

Attempting to keep up with the times I thought I'd give a timer shot a go, which, in hindsight was probably not the best idea considering the amount of hazardous wires that were on the ground (Good going, S).

This resulted in numerous shots that resembled the following photo (and a couple of stumped toes):

Others shots were just pictures of my disturbing derriere - no one needs to see those.

I would like to formally apologise for the slight slant in the photo, the loaf of bread my camera was sitting on wasn't very cooperative. 

How do you people do it?! 

My apologies, but mirror-shots will have to suffice for now.

Melbourne's weather has been terribly indecisive lately (when is it not...) so this light silk top by Witchery has become a constant companion. It's hooded for when it drizzles, fully zippable (permission to add word to vocab, C?) for when the wind blows and oh so slouchy!

Top: Witchery / Bag: Vjstyle / Shoes: Topshop

Apart from the realising the amount of effort that goes into a single outfit post, I also learnt the following:

a) Running to catch the camera timer is perilous to ones health.
b) I have a complete lack of balance.
c) It ain't easy wiping sunblock off a mirror.


 Thank God for the crop tool.

Cesario X Prime, #sneakerfreaker #kicks

USD$120. Buy here.

Creative Recreation is celebrating 10 years of awesomeness with limited edition offerings of their flagship model, the Cesario X available in both High and Low cuts.

Only 150 pairs each are being released and if you're a size 8 (who wants to exchange feet?), then this prime cut (excuse the pun) of a shoe that fell straight out of sneaker-freaker heaven should be yours.

Gotta love that toe-strap that CR is so famous for.

Currently hating myself for being so slow on the uptake. WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING WITH MY LIFE?!

Going to go monitor the sneaker world with an eagle-eye now.

Menswear-Inspired: Aztec Print Edition

Topshop men's button-up shirt, Witchery belt & trousers, Rubi shoes, Casio watch, Longchamp bag

I haven't slept a wink over 10 hours in the past two days. 

This is disturbing to me on a number of different levels because a) I need a lot of sleep to feel even remotely human, and b) a lack of sleep messes heavily with my outfit choices. 

Suddenly, I find myself gravitating towards baggy pants with stretchy waists (they must be reminiscent of pyjamas at any cost), and who cares what I toss on over that just as long as nobody can see my waistband is elastic. 

I suppose I'm just lucky I'm clocking in my work hours on an island, where nobody really cares what you're dressed in, just as long as you've put on clothes for the day. But on that note, it was nice of Past C to have decided to put me in a button-up shirt today, so thumbs up to her. 

... Man. It's amazing I can still sort of finish writing this post up without typos, but I trust Apple's pedantic need to correct everything you're typing. As long as there are no red, squiggly lines in sight, I'm totes going to hit the Publish button ... and here's hoping you will forgive me if I'm being incoherent.

Subject: Greetings

Inbox

S mintbean	10:40 AM (22 hours ago)

Hey C,

Firstly, I apologise for being so damn MIA as of late. As you are probably aware, I lack basic personal admin skills... which has resulted in the untimely cancellation of my internet services for the next 10-20 working days (if you add weekends, this is approximately a month of no leisurely internet shopping *watch, unwatch, add to cart, remove from cart, omg buy one get 2 free, add quantity* - how will I survive? The answer to this is pending).

I have tried (and failed) to stay afloat and keep up to date with current events, but I missed out on the US Presidential Elections - though, judging by the number of "once you go black, you never go back" Facebook status updates, I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that Obama doesn't have to spend the weekend packing up all awesome tidbits he's accumulated over the last four years. That or, my friends list is no longer PG13 I must begin to filter it immediately. 

As I sit here sipping on popcorn (seriously, best work snack EVER! 1. nommy 2. hands stay clean 3. keyboard not subject to insect infestation) put popcorn in a cup and take a couple of swings at it from time to time - I recommend Cobs: Lightly Salted, Slightly Sweet - 63 cals per 13g). I can't tell you what 13g is because I don't know, but 63 isn't a terrible bad number so I will log this into MyFitnessPal accordingly "Popcorn - one serve" - when we all know I'm half way through a 145g pack and the likelihood of calling it quits on this magical bag of goodness is ... well, zero.

Additionally, attached is a photo of how I feel today.

S-Poppin' 

TFRE381.tmp.jpg 36K   View   Download

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C Mintbean	10:52 AM (21 hours ago)

Dear S,

How on God's green earth are you SIPPING your popcorn? I've been sitting here for a good five minutes attempting to envision kernels being vacuumed through a straw. I even attempted to Google it, but images of buckets of popcorn with a puny straw stuck in is totally not helping. How does this happen? Do you skewer the popcorn? Or do you just swing bits of popped corn into your mouth like the world's most poorly-designed spoon?

I am officially intrigued, and as such, cannot focus on the other things in your e-mail.

I'm afraid I may need photographic evidence of some sort. Or at the very least, a drawing of how this is possible.


- C (for Confused)

P.S. I NEED A PET SEAL NOW, ON TOP OF A PICTURE OF SOMEONE SIPPIN' POPCORN.

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S mintbean	12:01 PM (20 hours ago)

Dear C,

Please excuse my nudity in the below portrayal of "sipping popcorn".

Kind Regards,

S

photo.JPG 134K   View   Download

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C Mintbean	8:38 AM (13 minutes ago)

Imagine my delight (at 8:35AM, no less) to finally know what sipping popcorn looks like!!

Suddenly, it all makes sense.

C

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C Mintbean	8:41 AM (10 minutes ago)

By the way - thanks for acknowledging the pink elephant in the room. I didn't want to make it awkward by pointing out you seem naked in that picture ... and right next to Barry the Plant, too ...

Delusions of Paris

Zara top and pants, Diva necklace, Sportsgirl ring, Cambridge Satchel 

In my mind, striped shirts are synonymous with Paris.

Not France, mind you.

Specifically, Paris.

Over the course of my life, I'm not exactly sure how I managed to come to this conclusion, but efforts to reprogram my brain into thinking otherwise has been one of my biggest failures ... right after the time I tried giving up potato chips for good.

I mean, I see a bag of potato chips lying around my house or at the grocery store and you can't expect me to not touch it reverently (seriously, is it my fault that one thing always leads to another?). Similarly, I see a striped shirt on someone, I automatically think "PA-RIS!!!" - with the hyphen and that exact number of exclamation marks.

Note that I said 'think', and not 'exclaim'. This is because I am not a moron and can tell the difference between reality and delusion.

BLOGLOVIN' / TWITTER / PINTEREST

Sideways Initial Necklace

Necklaces are to me as heroin is to a drug addict. 

It's a really crappy addiction, seeing as how I'm running out of storage space, and also because I really only have just the one neck to hang all these cheap necklaces off of - which by the way, I find totally inconvenient.

I mean what if I really, really felt like wearing twenty-five necklaces at one go? I'd look like I'd just high-tailed it out of a burning building and that was all I could save.

... A bunch of necklaces.

And they wouldn't even be the good kind, which would make me look like an idiot for choosing to save a metric tonne of $12 dollar necklaces instead of a laptop ...

But that's not the point of this post.

The point is, I've found a new necklace to obsess over, and it's all Audrina Patridge's fault.

Sideways Initial Necklace - Albeit Jewelry USD $330

Similar here & here.

Here's another, fuzzier look at Audrina and her awesome sideways initial necklace; a picture that serves no apparent purpose other than to bring myself to tears every time I look at it.

You can really only sort of see the shadow it casts on her collar bone ...


God, I'm pathetic.

Underworld: a Simple Guide to Decoding Underpants

Navigating the world of fashion without showing the entire country what your underpants look like is about as much fun as getting punched in the face. 

Thankfully (or unfortunately, depending on where you stand), I load up on way too many fashion magazines and reruns of Trinny & Susannah, which has culminated in the solid delusion that when it comes to VPLs (Visible Panty Lines), I know my sh*t. 

Please find below for your perusal, a guide to choosing the right kinds of underwear to slip on under different sorts of bottoms … Also known as Underworld: a Simple Guide to Decoding Underpants for easy referral when you’re discussing the relevance of this article with all your friends.

SHAPEWEAR/CONTROL BRIEFS

Source: Shopbop

 PROS: The wunderkind of all underpants. Smoothes and controls unforgiving bumps under your clothes. Makes you look slimmer. No VPL. A million different cuts from pants to skirts to bodysuits to choose from.

 CONS: A million different cuts from pants to skirts to bodysuits to choose from. Also, I don’t know if it’s just me or the brand of shape-wear I’ve got, but WHY IS IT SO HARD TO BREATHE IN ONE OF THESE THINGS?!

 WEAR UNDER: Fitted garments e.g. bodycon-dresses, pencil skirts, etc. Sheer clothes. 

 HISTORICAL EQUIVALENT: 19^th century whalebone corsetry.

TANGAS/THONGS/G-STRINGS

Source: Shopstyle

 PROS: No VPL, no matter how hard you try to make one appear.

 CONS: Wedgies.

 WEAR UNDER: Basically anything.

 HISTORICAL EQUIVALENT: Loincloth.

HIPSTERS

Source: thisnext

  
 PROS: Rides low on the waist - nobody will see your underpants peeking over the waist of your bottoms. Available in most cuts from bikinis to boyshorts.

 CONS: People are more likely to see your butt-crack instead. Possible VPL, depending on the cut of your choice.

 WEAR UNDER: Any bottoms that have a low-rise waist.

 HISTORICAL EQUIVALENT: Low-waisted ghaghras  (except not really, 'cos ghaghras are legit garments in India ... I didn't want to leave this one blank ... I was doing so well ...)

BIKINI

  
 PROS: Really comfortable. Good coverage.

 CONS: Despite what lingerie companies will have you believe, these are the most likely to give you VPL, even if they claim not to.

 WEAR UNDER: Whatever you like, if you don’t care about VPL.

 HISTORICAL EQUIVALENT: French knickers.

BOYSHORTS/BOYLEGS

Source: theiconic.com.au

 PROS: Full-coverage. No VPL.

 CONS: Has been known to ride up most uncomfortably.

 WEAR UNDER: Anything you like – but especially if thongs give you the heebie-jeebies, and shape-wear is too constricting.

 HISTORICAL EQUIVALENT: Men’s underwear.

GRANNY PANTIES

Source: Holy Taco

  
 PROS: Comfortable. Celebrities are making them the trend du jour (see here & here). Man repellent. 

 CONS: Man repellent.

 WEAR UNDER: Anything.

 HISTORICAL EQUIVALENT: ... I don't feel comfortable saying it.

GOING COMMANDO: THE LAST RESORT

Source: thisnext

 PROS: No fuss, no muss. No VPL.

 CONS: May get arrested for indecent exposure if not enough care is taken to ensure skirt or dress hems stay down. 

 WEAR UNDER: Anything ... as long as you're wearing something.

 HISTORICAL EQUIVALENT: Birthday suits.








Lastly, some additional tips you may or may not find helpful to remember in your battle against VPL and VPG (Visible Panties in General):

• Wear undies that are close in shade to your skin-colour under sheer garments.
• Find undies that aren't too tight across the butt-cheek - this is usually what causes VPL to rear its ugly head.
• If you stumble across seamless underwear, buy that stuff up like the world is ending, because seamless underwear is GOLD.

A little off tangent.

Hey C,

I don’t know if you remember a fleeting conversation we may have had an undetermined amount of time ago, that I could possibly have spoken about my dire need to purchase a pair of printed pants. 

I say this with such uncertainty because the amount of things that I have decided I must acquire in my lifetime is perhaps a little bit excessive (I suppose this is a good place to drop the hint to readers that we are convinced that one day, not far from now, we will be the proud owners of a herd of fainting goats).
  

Recently I splurged on a pair of these babies by Maurie & Eve. I’ve been coveting this print for awhile now because this colour scheme is genius. The white, the mint, navy, the geometric angles, the seemingly random brush strokes and some rose gold bling… Who are Maurie & Eve and what are they doing frolicking about in my happy place. 

Maurie & Eve Ruby Track Pant - Geo

Needless to say, one fateful night I was up way past my bedtime, eyes squinty from.. well, my overall lack of vision… and I obtained them (Paypal is devastatingly convenient), whether I would eventually wear them or not is irrelevant. 

However, I’m yet to wear them because:

1.     I don’t have appropriate undergarments (the buttock area is white)

2.     The weather as of late would have resulted in wet and stained hemlines (curse these wee trotters!)

3.     I don’t have appropriate undergarments. 

Now I kind of wish I bought the shirt... singlet... shorts? I actually kind of even wish they had bedsheets in this print.

Seriously though, what kind of delightful underwear do models wear with these clothes? Do they wear underwear at all? Is the word underwear inappropriate and incorrect? Should I be using the word panties instead? Thought provoking, I know. 

Should you (or anyone else) have the answers to this strenuous dilemma, do let me know so I can make full use of these gorgeous pants before the moths get to them *note to self: buy moth balls immediately*. 

 Hope all is well in your bite-sized fraction of the world!

- S.